Sheila's Story
My story starts out long before my abortion, as a child that grew up in an unstable home, moving here to there, alcoholism, domestic abuse, and promiscuity. I started my adolescent days in the same pattern as my mother. At 20 years old, I desperately wanted a purpose and stability. Though I wanted a change, I still became pregnant within 3 months of dating a man I met 3 months prior. Because I wanted to better my life, I decided I would keep this child. At first, I assumed I would not “stay” with the father, but would be a responsible parent. However, when Andres was born July of 2000 I moved from my home in Oregon to California to work things out with his Dad. Soon after, I became pregnant again when Andres was only 6 months old. Unfortunately, I did not know how to have a healthy relationship and desperate to “run away” as I had been taught growing up, I decided having another child would make my life too complicated. How could this happen! “It’s too soon, I am working, I am fat, my relationship is in the toilet, I am depressed, I have nobody here”, the list of reasoning went on. I thought because I had just missed my period that I “caught it” in time.
Because it was legal and I had total confidence in doctors that this was the right decision to make and life would continue in the right order again, I then chose to have the abortion. Well, like most women who have had an abortion, life did not go back to its original order. I refused to believe it was the wrong choice and stuffed all feelings and memories far down. After waiting for the “appropriate time” we went on to have our second son, Kyler. Until one day after years of counsel, church, & new examples in my life, I heard a message at church about abortion. I began to wrestle with reasoning, shame, & guilt. I often thought that that baby was the little girl between my two boys and how I could have raised her just the same.
At that same church, I heard another message and learned of a place where there is hope for women who face the decision of abortion called the Crisis Pregnancy Center. Now, I had a place to share my story of my abortion and could seek counsel for a post abortion support group. I had never spoke to ANYONE prior about my abortion and learned there are so MANY women facing the same struggle. Losing a child never goes away, but there IS hope for those who have made this choice. We just have to reach out. I now am blessed to share my story with other women and help them through their struggles.
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Jan's Story
I have two abortions in my background. At the time, during the late eighties, I was a divorced mother of two pre-teen children. I led a life that involved travel to exotic places, fine dining and beautiful things. Both times I became pregnant (by different men), I never once thought of any alternative other than abortion. Only my doctor and the man involved knew and each time I traveled to another city under an assumed name. No one ever asked me any questions, volunteered any information and neither did I. As far as I knew or cared it was just a bit of tissue, not a baby. I refused to think about what I was doing as anything other than fixing a problem so that I could get back to my glamorous life.
In 2001, my unmarried daughter became pregnant and suddenly I was afraid she would have an abortion. When she told me that she was going to keep the baby, I breathed a sigh of relief and told her that I had been frightened she would have an abortion. She said, “Mom, I did that once and I will never go through that again”. The tangled web of denial in my heart certainly began to un-ravel with those words. To think that I had lost my first grandchild to abortion hit me so hard, I cried to think that my daughter had gone through that at all and alone also.
As my heart was breaking, I confessed to her what I had done. I will always wonder had I shared my story earlier could I have saved the life of my grandbaby? I believe so. Unfortunately, I had not even acknowledged my abortions at the time.
Through her pregnancy, I began to learn about the development of the fetus and fully understood what I had done. In less than four weeks, when I was just beginning to suspect that I was pregnant – the foundations of the heart, brain, spinal cord and sense organs were laid down and functioning – although far from formed. I began to understand that I had killed my babies. That made me a murderer. There was no other way to look at it. In addition, I was an accomplice in that I had supported two friends through their abortions. I plunged into the depths of sorrow and only my faith saved me as I claimed the promise that God would forgive me. Undeserving as I felt, I grasped that His grace was enough for even me. The really hard part came in learning to forgive myself. I have done that and now am able to work with others to show them that they too can find peace with themselves and most certainly with a loving God through our Savior Jesus Christ.
My biggest blessings through all of the pain was when my daughter invited me to witness the birth of my granddaughter, Isabella. I can never express the joy and wonder that overwhelmed me. And then my amazement when I realized she has my one dimple – also on the left! God loves to surprise us and see us smile and nothing will do that easier than to be face to face with a newborn child!
